具体描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用户评价
##很好的两性关系解读，无论是否出轨，都很有帮助。 书摘在此： https://readings.posthaven.com/the-end-of-jobs-by-taylor-pearson-by-esther-perel
评分##existential affair的说法有意思，关系性质彼此明确的话，affair源于个人的existential crisis. 修补关系的沟通：分析需求而非执迷细节，investigative instead of detective approach.
评分##剖析极为细致 摈弃了非黑即白的论调 将事情复杂化人性化了 厉害厉害
评分##[Audiobook] 比Esther的另一本mating in captivity更深入，毕竟这本只是专注于infidelity的问题。自己的价值观和Esther讲的基本没有什么区别，但在大多数人和mainstream practitioner看来这样的openness可能是很极端的，摊手。毕竟现在并没有做过系统的couple therapy的training，所以也不用很纠结personal value和clinical work的问题。很好奇以后如果做Gottman的training要怎么整合非常不同的价值观233
评分##写得有点乱吧，反正人类婚姻关系一整个没意思。婚女开心就好
评分##很好的两性关系解读，无论是否出轨，都很有帮助。 书摘在此： https://readings.posthaven.com/the-end-of-jobs-by-taylor-pearson-by-esther-perel
评分##人们为什么结成亲密关系，又为何不忠？写挺好的，文笔和学术性都有，感觉还照顾了一下通俗读者如本人的八卦心情。她的有些关于infidelity的回答很巧妙，感觉避开了卫道士敏感的神经又表达了自己的观点。也许有人因为得了癌症获得了更好的人生体验，但是我不建议大家得癌症。另外这本书里好多图书馆三十秒名场面啊。
评分##existential affair的说法有意思，关系性质彼此明确的话，affair源于个人的existential crisis. 修补关系的沟通：分析需求而非执迷细节，investigative instead of detective approach.
评分##"All suffering prepares one for vision" // 故事想起来都心碎，道理讨论起来又眼界大开（所以relationship的参与者都是在深挖“自我”+negotiate customized contract，要不然怎么说relationship is so hard...啊我的脑子要坏掉了）
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