具体描述
内容简介
I didn't decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier . . .
Portia de Rossi weighed only 82 pounds when she collapsed on the set of the Hollywood film in which she was playing her first leading role. This should have been the culmination of all her years of hard work--first as a child model in Australia, then as a cast member of one of the hottest shows on American television. On the outside she was thin and blond, glamorous and successful. On the inside, she was literally dying.
In this searing, unflinchingly honest book, Portia de Rossi captures the complex emotional truth of what it is like when food, weight, and body image take priority over every other human impulse or action. She recounts the elaborate rituals around eating that came to dominate hours of every day, from keeping her daily calorie intake below 300 to eating precisely measured amounts of food out of specific bowls and only with certain utensils. When this wasn't enough, she resorted to purging and compulsive physical exercise, driving her body and spirit to the breaking point.
Even as she rose to fame as a cast member of the hit television shows Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, all the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner. With the storytelling skills of a great novelist and the eye for detail of a poet, Portia makes transparent as never before the behaviors and emotions of someone living with an eating disorder.
From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love with and eventually marrying Ellen DeGeneres, and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women's health issues.
In this remarkable and beautifully written work, Portia shines a bright light on a dark subject. A crucial book for all those who might sometimes feel at war with themselves or their bodies, Unbearable Lightness is a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit. 作者简介
Portia de Rossi, is an Australian actress, best known for her roles as lawyer Nelle Porter on the television series Ally McBeal and Lindsay Bluth Fünke on the sitcom Arrested Development. She also portrayed Veronica Palmer on the ABC sitcom Better Off Ted. 精彩书评
“Anorexia was my first love,” de Rossi declares in her memoir of her early Hollywood career and the eating disorders that went along with it. Her unflinching self-portrait depicts a cripplingly self-conscious young Australian in LA overwhelmed by the pressure to be thin. Never comfortable in her own skin, a by-product of her status as a closeted lesbian, de Rossi was sure if she ever gained weight (or came out as being gay), the shooting star she’d been cultivating would turn to lead. Weight loss was the key that allowed de Rossi to feel powerful and in control, until dieting became a sickness that nearly killed her and devastated her family. De Rossi’s story and words are not revolutionary, but they are frank, brave, and revelatory of the unhealthy trends that stardom can generate. Although more development of de Rossi’s happy ending (her eventual complete recovery, self-acceptance, coming-out, and marriage to Ellen DeGeneres) would be welcome, the book succeeds as it’s intended: a journal of her sickness and a provocatively sad love affair with dieting.
--Annie Bostrom
“The blunt, pity-free matter-of-factness with which de Rossi shares secrets and lies about her eating disorders and her sexuality makes this forthright confessional story at once shocking and instructional, especially for younger women who may be secretly suffering on their own.”
—Entertainment Weekly 前言/序言
沉重的负担与轻盈的抉择:一部关于存在与虚无的哲学小说 书名: 《时间的灰烬》 作者: 伊利亚·冯·霍尔斯特 译者: (此处留空,或根据实际情况填写) 出版信息: 蓝宝石出版社,初版,2024年春 --- 简介: 《时间的灰烬》并非一部情节驱动的小说,它更像是一块精心雕琢的多面体,每一面都反射出存在主义哲学的复杂光芒,探讨着人类如何在无意义的宇宙中,为自己锚定意义的绳索。小说以一位名叫亚历山大的古籍修复师为核心人物,他毕生致力于修复那些被时间侵蚀的、濒临消亡的古代手稿。然而,随着他步入生命的黄昏,他发现自己修复的那些脆弱的纸张,竟比他自己的人生更加坚固和永恒。 故事的叙事结构模仿了被修复的羊皮纸卷轴,时而碎片化,时而跳跃,但始终围绕着一个核心的哲学困境展开:当所有的记忆和成就最终都将归于虚无的“灰烬”,我们该如何定义“价值”? 亚历山大隐居于一座位于多瑙河畔的、常年弥漫着潮湿雾气的旧修道院中。他的世界由纸张的气味、胶水的粘性和古老油墨的矿物气息构成。他与外界的交流极其有限,唯一的访客是他的学生——一个对生命充满激进热情,却又深陷现代焦虑的年轻哲学系毕业生,卡尔。卡尔的到来,成为了亚历山大内心沉睡的自我对话被唤醒的催化剂。 第一部分:修复的悖论 小说的开篇,作者用极其细腻的笔触描绘了亚历山大修复一本十二世纪炼金术手稿的过程。这不仅仅是技术层面的描述,更是一种隐喻。亚历山大小心翼翼地用特制的工具分离粘连的页面,用稀释的淀粉浆加固脆弱的纤维。他深信,只要他足够专注、足够耐心,他就能让过去重新“存在”。 然而,卡尔的出现打破了这种宁静的幻觉。卡尔质疑道:“老师,您修复的这些记载着古老巫术和错误科学的文本,它们终究会被新的知识所取代,甚至明天的一场大火就能将它们化为乌有。您投入毕生的精力去对抗熵增,但熵增是宇宙的铁律。您究竟在维护什么?” 亚历山大的回答是沉默,或是通过他阅读的古籍内容来回应。他开始沉浸于对“永恒性”和“瞬间性”的思考。他回忆起自己年轻时曾是一位充满理想的建筑师,试图建造一座能抵抗洪水和战争的“永恒之塔”。但那座塔最终被商业利益和官僚主义腐蚀,成为一座平庸的水泥方块。从那时起,他转而投向了修复的艺术——一种对逝去之美的徒劳的、充满敬意的抵抗。 作者在这里引入了对“行为的重量”的探讨。修复行为本身,其意义是否在于成果的持久性,还是在于投入其中的完全的、不计回报的专注?亚历山大认为,后者才是真正的价值所在,因为那种专注,在那一刻,将外部世界的喧嚣和最终的虚无感隔绝在外。 第二部分:失落的地图与边界的消融 小说的中段,叙事焦点转向了亚历山大生命中两个关键的“失落”。 第一个失落:阿黛尔的缺席。 阿黛尔是亚历山大青年时期深刻影响他思想的伴侣,一位研究古地图学的语言学家。她相信地图并非描绘地理,而是描绘人类认知的边界。阿黛尔在一次偏远地区的考察中失踪,没有留下任何线索,仿佛她主动抹去了自己的存在痕迹。亚历山大的生活从此被一种“未完成”的状态所定义。他不断地在古籍的边缘寻找与阿黛尔笔记相似的笔迹,这种寻找既是一种爱恋的延续,也是一种对“确定性”的执着。 第二个失落:身份的漂移。 亚历山大发现自己无法在任何固定的“身份”中安顿下来。他是修复师、是哲学家、是回忆者,但他从未真正成为某一种标签所定义的完整个体。小说通过他与卡尔的对话,探讨了社会如何通过标签来简化复杂的人性。卡尔试图将亚历山大的生活提炼成一个清晰的“导师”形象,以便于他撰写毕业论文。亚历山大则通过讲述自己修复过程中遇到的那些模糊不清的、跨越了文化和时代界限的文本,来抗拒被归类。 在这一部分,作者巧妙地将哲学思考融入到对物理环境的描写中。修道院的湿气不仅腐蚀着纸张,也模糊了亚历山大记忆中的清晰界限。他开始分不清哪些记忆是真实的经历,哪些是他在阅读古代编年史时产生的移情。 第三部分:灰烬与未来的呼吸 故事的高潮并非戏剧性的冲突,而是一场静默的领悟。 一个暴风雨肆虐的夜晚,修道院的地下室发生了小规模的漏水。亚历山大和卡尔不得不抢救一批极其珍贵的、记载着早期欧洲民间传说的手稿。在泥泞和水浸的混乱中,亚历山大意识到,抵抗时间的力量不在于如何“保存”那些物理实体,而在于如何“传递”那些蕴含其中的思想的火花。 他不再试图将每一张纸恢复到“完美”的状态。他允许部分字迹模糊,允许水渍成为历史的印记。他理解到,真正的永恒,存在于那段需要解读和阐释的“模糊空间”中。每一次新的阅读,都是一次思想的重生。 在小说的最后几章,亚历山大终于完成了那本炼金术手稿的修复。他没有将其束之高阁,而是将其置于修道院图书馆最容易取阅的位置。他告诉卡尔:“我所做的,不是阻止它消亡,而是确保它在消亡之前,能尽可能多地被看见、被质疑、被误解。价值不在于它存在了多久,而在于它在存在的期间,引发了多少思考。” 卡尔最终离开了修道院,带着他从亚历山大那里学到的、关于“承担无意义”的勇气,去面对他自己的未来。而亚历山大,则留在了那片雾气弥漫的河畔。他开始阅读一本全新的、保存状况极差的、几乎无法辨认的残卷。他的工作没有停止,但他的心态已然改变——他不再是时间的敌人,而是时间的忠实记录者。 《时间的灰烬》最终留下一个开放性的结尾:亚历山大望着窗外,河面上的雾气似乎比以往任何时候都更厚重,但透过那层灰色的幕布,他似乎第一次清晰地看到了,生命中那些看似“轻盈”的选择,才是构成他存在的真正“重量”。小说没有提供任何安慰性的答案,它只是邀请读者,进入到亚历山大那间堆满脆弱历史的屋子中,一同感受知识的沉重,以及面对虚无时的那份平静的清醒。